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Book and Bench

This Week's Pondering:

Q: Who in your life do you need to forgive? Alternately, who would you like to receive forgiveness from?

A: For me, it's the same person.

Without going into details because parts of my life are indeed personal and I intend to keep them that way, I had an altercation with someone once upon a time. They had their reasons for being furious with me - which I had a hard time understanding; and alternately, I had reasons to be furious with them - which I'd assume they would have a hard time understanding, too.

How can I heal from this and offer the thing we both ultimately are seeking when communication is not an option?

I wrote a letter to this person about everything - I wrote about the situation, my blame, my resentment, my anger, the hurt that I felt. I wrote about my position in the situation and why I behaved the way I did. I wrote out all the lingering questions I have for them, too. I was honest and clear and hurtful and rude. I articulated everything I've been through and all my reasonings behind my actions.

I signed off on the letter, but I wasn't done yet.

Instead of sending it, I crossed out the person's name at the top of the letter and wrote in my own name instead. Reading letters like this back to myself helps me see from another perspective. It shows me that I have my own healing to work through, and it helps me notice where my healing can begin.

Healing doesn't start from another person changing.

They have pointed us in the direction where our own healing begins. So that's what I did. Our relationship hasn't shifted in any way, but the way I feel about this person certainly has. Now I can offer them love (from afar), and actually be grateful to them. Through our encounter, I have found peace.

Your turn: Who do you need to forgive in your life; and who would you like to have forgiveness from?



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